May 11…. a day that has been weighing on me heavily the last few days. A day that will always be a reminder of God’s sovereignty. This day has be significant since the moment we received information about our daughter. But, I didn’t realize just how significant until a couple of months ago.
For those close to us you are aware that the beginning of 2017 was a very rough time for both sides of our family. Brain surgery for one family member, another spent nearly two months in ICU, death of a family member, strokes, and just general life, all in the span of two months. It was hard and it was stressful. And while I believed in God’s sovereignty, I believed God could heal (and even if he didn’t He was still good), it was stressful on our family. I spent many days crying out to God. Every day I would hear that still small voice to look at his faithfulness. I’d run through several events in my life where I had clearly seen God’s faithfulness, including our path to adopt our daughter. But, I began to feel God pushing me to look deeper at his faithfulness. I began to pray over this and write down everything he had done and when I really started looking at our path to Emily I saw his faithfulness and sovereignty in a way I’d never seen before.
May 11, 2014, around 1:30am an anonymous call was made to the police about a baby girl. Shortly after that call the police placed this little girl, now our daughter, in the arms of a nanny at the orphanage just one block away from her finding spot. May 11, 2014 was Mother’s Day.
One year later, on Mother’s Day, Greg and I had our very first conversation about adoption. I always knew that conversation occurred on Mother’s Day because we were in Washington DC and had just finished brunch at the Kennedy Center. But, I never really thought about the timing or the actual date…until recently. Because of what I know about when we ate and the time stamp on pictures I know that conversation occurred sometime around around 12:30pm on May 10, 2015, (May 11 at 1:30am in China). Exactly one year after our daughter was placed in the arms of a new caregiver, while her biological parents were mourning that fateful decision and the impact on their lives, Greg and I were discussing adoption, a step that would forever change our lives and our daughter’s.
May 11, 2016 we boarded a plan for China.
When we began the initial paperwork for the adoption process one of the questions we had to answer was about our attitude toward the biological parents. I honestly hadn’t thought about it and really didn’t know how I felt, my focus was always on the children. I gave an answer but I’d answer it completely different today. There are times I watch my daughter and I wish I could tell them she’s safe, she’s happy, she’s growing. As I have the joy of watching my daughter discover a world that was pretty much hidden from her for two years, I sometimes stop and grieve for the mom who has no idea where her daughter is or what she looks like. I just recently discovered that May 11, 2014 was Mother’s Day. I can’t imagine the agonizing decision she made; whether it was family pressure, finances or some other reason, I will never know. I know very little, and can only make assumptions based on the little I do know, but I believe she was trying to choose a better life for her daughter. Because of this mother’s decision, and our decision to say ‘yes’ to the call God placed on our hearts, I have the privilege of raising this little girl as my daughter. I hope her biological mom would be proud of this amazing little girl, all that she has overcome and all that she will become. God has a plan for this little girl. He has been guiding our steps since before she was even born.
You thrill me, Lord, with all you have done for me!
I sing for joy because of what you have done.
O Lord, what great works you do!
And how deep are your thoughts.